Tuesday, August 15, 2006

No You Are Not Welcome

Fell Sick on the second day of my Kerala Visit had to come back to Chennai. High fever and some shit. Bloody fever crossed 105 deg F. I thought I was dead.
Anyways now fit and fine with huge amount of weakness. Got to go there again to finish the unfinished business.
Few things about Kerala.
  1. It is green
  2. Everyone had a bloody mush. I mean everyone, even the girls.
  3. Everyone is fat.
  4. Gurls are fat, have curly hair, have facial hair, have hair on hands and arms more than the Afghans, eat all the time, don't wear jeans.
  5. You cant say from the menu what you are eating.
  6. You are screwed if you are a vegetarian.
  7. Mallus eat chicken curry with anything. Even with bloody idlli at 7.30 in the morning.
  8. They dont eat sambhar but have something else. Dont know what it is called, I call it Kazambahoo. Looks swahili by the name.
  9. Mosquitoes know you are a bloody non mallu. Carry Odomos with you always.
  10. You start using the word , "excuse me", "sorry", "can you repreat", etc etc again and again. They have an accent so strong you can't understand anything.
  11. They can eat anything and call it as non veg. I saw everything which is eatable on the menu card except "humans"
  12. They eat hot food. Blooooooooooooooooooody spicy food I say.
  13. Carry a bottle of water with you always.
  14. Mallus drink more liquor than an state in India. Congrats mallus, now you are educated drunkards.

Rest after my second trip. I fell sick the second day and I had to rush back to Chennai. Just alive you can say. The mallus must be laughing, "sala sardar aaya tha ek, uski halat kharab kar di aur usko bhaga diya"

You mallus I will be back !!!

Loved the greenery though...

V...

35 comments:

sugar and spice,  4:47 PM, August 15, 2006  

abe mallus also fry, cook, roast all of that in coconut oil; how was that?

sneha 5:59 PM, August 15, 2006  

chicken curry with idli at 7.30 in the morning??!! *holy horror*

Janefield 7:22 PM, August 15, 2006  

can't wait to see how fao san tackles this one :D

*brings popcorn*

Bulbul Gopalani 7:49 PM, August 15, 2006  

oye... everyone who has been to kerala has fallen in love with it... despite all the hair n idlis n accent. too bad about the illness.. but do go there again sometime. u will love it

vijay,  9:00 PM, August 15, 2006  

wow u found so many things in one day..u must be one genuis...
90% of them are wrong.. probably some exceptions like u in kerala

Kusum Rohra 6:09 AM, August 16, 2006  

Oye paape tussi thik thak now? saala take care yaar, do hi mahine hain ab :)

ze zombie 6:45 AM, August 16, 2006  

hey idli with chicken curry is yum!

virdi 10:28 AM, August 16, 2006  

Sugar and Spice>> Well I don't know... The didnt fry me... :-)

Sneha>>> Yes horror... Evil Dead !!! More horrifying than that !!!

The Chosen One>>> What can she say??? She is not Mallu at all... Infact she doesnt even have a Mallu accent... She is just a boring Indian...

Bulbul Gopalani>>> Everyone who has been to kerala has fallen in love with it and I fell sick... :-(

Vijay>> wow u found so many things in one day..u must be one genuis...

Thanks... U seem to know my true charm... :-) Thanks... I love you.... :-* A kiss for you...

Kusum Rohra>>> Yes Thanks for reminding... But its 44 days left and not 2 Months... :P

Ze Zombie>>> hey idli with chicken curry is yum! at 7.00 AM in the morning???? with full masala put in it???


V...

mummyji,  10:45 AM, August 16, 2006  

beta, tussi fall sick hue because tussi chotu se door the na :)

praveen 4:47 AM, August 17, 2006  

i didnt know mallu girls were fat and hairy..i'm one too partially... I thot they were pretty hot..but then, i havent visited kerala yet..

Anil 6:10 AM, August 17, 2006  

haha bhonsdikkey.. I'm mallu too... mallus ko gaali deta hai... btw, I'll be in India next week... will be there for four weeks...

Jay Rulz! 7:37 AM, August 17, 2006  

Virdi...

Fever is fun sometimes... you know you get to take a break and watch TV and sleep and watch TV and sleep...

Kerela... Gods own country.... never liked it much... I would say 'Boring'

Chennaizombie 9:25 AM, August 17, 2006  

Maybe thats why they call Kerala Gods own country ... god does not want anyone else there...!!!!

Watdidimiss??,  3:35 PM, August 17, 2006  

cmon virdi!!
Such a beautiful country !! and all u cud see was a post full of negatives???
maybe u'll have nice things to say wen u get back..


oh oh.. let me add one good point..
the autos there are sooper comfy!lot better than Madras autos! and if i remember right.. they charge u a lot lesser and dont loot the daylight outta u like our fellas!

watdidimiss,  3:37 PM, August 17, 2006  

oops missed the "u liking greenery part" :-)
looks like i did miss something

praveen 4:28 AM, August 18, 2006  

btw, kazhamboo or kozhambu just means curry...

Pallavi 5:33 AM, August 18, 2006  

Hahaha! Mallu mosquitoes had fun on your blood..

virdi 5:50 AM, August 18, 2006  

Mummyji>> mummyji ki baachi tu ruk... tujhe batata hoon...

Praveen>> now how come u r mallu??? u said u r half punju... and please, i found the food hot and the mallu females FAT... there was not a single Mallu female who was hot...

Anil>> Oh shit !!! You are coming??? Holy crap....

Jay Rulz>>> ya man... a boring state with people drinking lots...

Chennaizombie>> Worshttttttt man!!! You and your PJs...

Watdidimiss?? >> Its not a country for your information... Its just a bloody state... Ya i am looking forward to going there and coming back as soon as possible...

The autos????? to make Kerala better than any other place in India you compared the autos charges??? Mallus you are give up !!!

Praveen>> Curry, see so simple and the mallus call it Kazambahooo...... Idiots...

Pallavi>>> Even the mosquitoes were fat... Everyone and everything was fat...

fao san,  6:18 AM, August 18, 2006  

a surd wudn't know culture if it hit him between the eyes! a yash chopra film n some bhangra are all the entertainment he can handle. n funny that you shud call mallu women fat...what's the average girth size in punjab for women over 20? 58?

n look whoz grudging mallus their idli-chicken! a punju who loads up on double maska aloo parathas even b4 the rooster can rub its eyes! n atleast mallus eat their chicken healthy instead of drowning it in panneer butter masala.

n accents...sheesh! different regions = diff accents. didn't they teach ya that in higher secondary school?! oops...sorry. i shudn't ve asked ya that. uumm...do get an education some day. it won't kill ya...go on, try it *prodding!*

Janefield 6:58 AM, August 18, 2006  

whoa!! this is wayyy better than the movie of the year...wot entertainment wonly.

*brings popcorn machine and settles down comfily in ringside seats :D*

watdidimiss,  3:47 PM, August 18, 2006  

i called it a country in terms of the association of kerala to "gods own country".. god too didnt know it was a "bloody state" eh?
and by the way.. tamilians and mallus refer to curry as kozhambu... its the language..

u wudnt like it too much if i made fun of punjabi in punjab right??

same funda applies here...

didnt mean to get so offensive... sorry surd..
will buy u idly and chicken curry to make up :) wat say???

p.s - me not a mallu... thats simbly not me! ;)

Pathetic Punjabi ass 5:25 PM, August 18, 2006  

A surd speaking about girls ne eating habits is the funniest thing to happen in blogpsot.. y do u need to go back to some place which u hate so much..money?? comeon gigolos do brisk business in chandigarh and neighbouring delhi...

Anonymous,  5:01 AM, August 19, 2006  

hey being an indian and that too a punjabi u shouldnt be complaining so much....
n is this all u could c in one of the most beautiful places in the world..
very derogratory of an educated man...

praveen 5:18 AM, August 19, 2006  

my dad is a tamil-mallu..and kozhamboo is the way they say curry in malayalam..I dont beleive a sardar is making fun of mallu's,yaar...u dont want me to get started abt sardar's and how they cant live without their roti's and dahi

fao san,  5:42 AM, August 19, 2006  

actually, kozhambu means curry only in tam. in mall, it means the oils you use to rub yourself down with b4 a bath. relieves aches n pains and contains a million herbs. ahem. surd...the mallus were darned right in pouring that down your xenophobic throat. hope your kozhambu had castor seeds in them!

if i hadn't know you're actually a swell (albeit dizzyingly stupid) guy, i wudda merrily escalated this war! damn! the price one has to pay for frenship!

Anonymous,  6:04 AM, August 19, 2006  

If you want to express your own ideas do it..who asked for ur advice..of what to do and what not to...

WE also feel the same kinda way when we visit N India...when u eat chapathi with different name..all the time...

u suck buddy..Totally...have been reading ur blog regularly...but now..u r OFF my bookmark..never wanna cheerio...

Ravi 9:42 AM, August 19, 2006  

Virdi, most what you have written is in total contrast to reality in Kerala. Maybe what you experienced is just some exceptional case. So please check your facts again!

Anonymous,  11:44 AM, August 19, 2006  

then why have come to south Mr IITian "Sardarji".

Go back and enjoy your roti with aaloo sabji..who is stopping u....and definitely we dont need you...we have enuf ppl here...tata

Jay Rulz! 6:33 PM, August 19, 2006  

Well... Well... Well... Everybody is getting rude here... Virdi's blogs always have some kind of sarcasm and a lot of humor, thats his style...

Reading his blog for so long we all should know that he is not that kind of guy who would show hatred toward any body to the level everybody has portrayed...

In the process of criticizing virdi, most of you have been ruder than him...

I know i would also be abused here... who the hell cares, its his blog, he writes what ever he wants, my blog i'll whatever i want... your blog, you write what ever you want...you dont like it... dont read!

Arrowhead 6:39 AM, August 20, 2006  

Very interesting exchanges. I'm half mallu myself and I go there quite often. I have to agree with Virdi with some of the observation. We do consume a lot of alcohol. That is why we call a Mallu yuppie 'kuppi' (bottle). The hair bit is true too to an extent. I wonder about that myself. Have seen hairier women in the Eastern Bloc. About being fat, no completely true. Not completely true. If one is used to Linda, Eva and Cindy, yes, its a fat state.
Idli with fish curry?? Bleeeuch!
Try dosa with chicken curry. YUM! Also coconut chutney with sugar. Halwa and banana chips, the list goes one.

God's Own Country it is. It was raining buckets when I was there last week and guess what...no floods.

About getting sick, its easy to get sick in Kerala if you are not used to the tropical weather and if you are used to indoor life.

Finally, FYI, the Chosen One with the popcorn machine is half mallu too.

P.S. My other half is Mallu too.

Anonymous,  11:06 AM, August 20, 2006  

Hello mr.sardar
hope u r talkin abt the same kerala in india..Knew Sardars were the Hairiest and the most dumbest for all the Sardar jokes!!

So think before u voice your opnions Sardarji! Only a Mallu can outsmart u..so u had to run off ultimately!

Anonymous,  6:02 PM, August 20, 2006  

This is HILARIOUS !!! A surd pointing fingers at another group....HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE !!!

Anonymous,  10:38 PM, August 30, 2006  

#Anon before the last one:

Knew Sardars were the Hairiest and the most dumbest for all the Sardar jokes!!
Pity this smartass Anon can't even get his/her/its English right. Talk in your Malalayam, man, if you don't know another language well.

Anonymous,  3:00 PM, November 12, 2006  

u surds never undersand hindi then wot English ..Mallu is a linguist ya know.u eat aloo paranthas and ur heads fulla aloos..Dontcha try n teach English u dumbo.looks u dont understand a word of modern english!! hahaha
Try n learn to be an Indian first than saying who is the best!U guys r jus plain DUMB..jus pity ur bird brains!

Anonymous,  5:12 PM, August 30, 2008  

I haven't read this whole thing but in my opinion very rude to talk about people like this. And it is not funny at all to make fun of people from same country , same color, and in conclusion people in general. Buraiyan karni asaan hoti hain , lekin achaiya mushkil , voh kisi aur key barey mein, shyad is liye yahan tareef kam read ki hai and sarcasm jada, joh south indian people ney dhiya hai voh north ney nahi, good education , name of desis around the world, but joh northern part ney diya voh south ney nahi. Isliye Calm down people and living under same roof sky, live with peace. God bless you all.

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