Monday, January 30, 2012

Facebook is like marriage?

Facebook is like marriage, you can't live without it. Here it is:
  1. The first thing you see after the wife moves in with you "Now I don't know where is the sugar jar, she's completely changed the place where I kept it before. It was always under the table or on the chair in the dining room, now I need to look in the cupboards in the kitchen to find the sugar jar!" Facebook keeps changing the way you add photos, tag photos, comment on photos, link photos, I get very confused every time I need to upload photos or albums.
  2. As soon as you get married you realise that every time you step out of the house you need to tell the lady where you are going. “I am going out” is unacceptable. "Now I have to tell my wife where am I going at 7pm in the evening? I am not a kid I can find my way back!" but the wife needs to where you are and needs to track each and every movement of yours. On Facebook whenever you write a comment or post a photos or write on your wall, you need to tell the location. In fact if you are posting using your smart phone, the location is automatically uploaded. Facebook is my wife’s invention?
  3. Sometimes your wife comes and asks “who is this lady in the photo”, you reply “my aunt!”, the next questions is “oh really, I thought she is your uncle, can you please elaborate how is she your aunt?” then you need to explain her, blah di blah di blah di blah.... I now need to tell Facebook what is my relationship with each person on my friends list; mum, dad, uncle, cousin, blah! Why? Why? Again is Facebook my wife’s invention?
  4. I need to tell my wife if I like her cooking or dress or hair or shoes. On Facebook you have to LIKE or comment or hate a photo posted by a friend whom you spoke to once in 4 years at the university.
  5. I now need to welcome my wife's cousin whom she's spoken to once in last 5 years, to our new home. We can ignore that cousin after the dinner for next 5 years. On Facebook once a long lost friend adds you, you need to speak to them for next 7 days, after that you both ignore each other for next 5 years.
  6. In marriage you can have a fight and poke your wife/husband in the eye, on Facebook you can poke your friend too.
  7. My wife needs to know my entire friends list. Friends who are from my office, from my university or from my club. I need to give all the details about my friends to my wife, so that if I am going out with “a friend” she knows, will I come home drunk or dead drunk or lying in the gutter! Where my wife picks me up from depends on the kind of friends. On your Facebook, your friends must have surely checked out all your friends and must have surely seen your friends from University. Check out friends of friends and comment "ah this girl is his friend from university. Bhav had some awesome girls in his university!" Marriage categorises your friends and so does Facebook!
  8. In married life if a man has a problem he has to "be a man & fight the problem!", if the lady has a problem we need to "be a man & support her!" Check this on Facebook; a man says "I lost my job today" - you get only 1 comment - "be a man, you should be out there looking for a job & not posting status on your wall". A girl says "my cat is sick" - the girl gets 1000 comments comforting her. Mark Zuckerburg is a woman?
  9. Marriage sucks the energy out of a conversation; you keep thinking "is this why I got married?" Facebook keeps you awake all day & night. You leave a message on your crush's wall at 12 in the night, wake up 3 times in the night to check for a reply, wake up in the morning & start pressing refresh 10 times to update your notification. You keep thinking is this why I messaged on her Facebook page.
  10. Once you get married you start showing off in front of your in-laws. You make sure your in laws know that you have bought a new car and it's bigger & better than what they have. In the Facebook world the first thing you do after buying a car is “post photos on Facebook!" Comments you get from your in-laws - "What a loser, that's a shit car at a shit price. You were robbed. I could have got you a better deal. Don’t you recall your father in law telling you everything about everything you have bought, even if he does all his shopping from Argos!
  11. Once you get married, you like sleeping next to the girl whom you have loved for the last so many years. And Facebook is addictive, we all know that!

2 comments:

Jay Rulz! 1:53 PM, February 16, 2012  

LOL, remembering the year 2005, it wouldve been an honour to comment first on your posts!!! whatever happened to blogging... Good to see you still havent given up!

Cheers Virdi!

Anonymous,  11:07 AM, February 23, 2012  

Lollllllzzzzzzzzzzz...Massst Likha hai!

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